Nightmares vs. Night Terrors: Discover the Difference and Why it Matters
Would you like to understand which of your child’s bad dreams you should respond to, and which you shouldn’t? Most parents don’t understand the difference between a nightmare and sleep terrors, but knowing the difference is actually pretty important. Nightmares and sleep terrors are two distinctly different things and require completely different responses from parents.
So, what’s a nightmare?
Nightmares are what we more commonly think of as “bad dreams”. They are bad dreams that occur when a child is in REM sleep, which is the stage of sleep associated with vivid dreams. REM sleep stands for “rapid eye movement sleep”, since during that stage that’s exactly what your eyes are doing. Humans get progressively more REM sleep the longer they are asleep, meaning nightmares typically occur in the later part of the night (after at least three hours of sleep).
When a child has a nightmare, the nightmare occurs while the child is sleeping, and a parent won’t be aware that a nightmare has occurred until after it’s finished. A scary nightmare will end with the child fully waking up, leaving him feeling scared. If he’s old enough to do so, he most likely remembers and can tell you about the dream. A child will typically remain scared even after waking up from a nightmare, and need some comfort in order to go back to sleep.
What’s a night terror?
A night terror is a “disorder of arousal” that occurs during sleep. Night terrors occur during the deepest stage of NREM (non-rapid eye movement) sleep. Since most of this NREM sleep occurs in the beginning of the night, night terrors typically occur in the first three hours of sleep.
When a child has a night terror, it will be evident to the parent while the night terror is occurring. The child might be agitated, crying out, screaming, or thrashing. He will be difficult to wake up, and if you do wake him up he may be confused but will not be afraid or remember the night terror. Since he doesn’t remember what he was scared of, it will be easy for him to go back to sleep.
What should I do when my child has a nightmare?
If your child had a nightmare, you will know because when he wakes up he will still be scared and upset. The fear that he felt and is feeling from the nightmare is very real, and you should comfort him accordingly. Do this by letting him know that you are here to keep him safe. Sometimes parents think that they should do a “closet search” or check under the bed for monsters or the other things that are making their child scared. I think that this can have the opposite effect, because it is telling your child that there are things to be scared of! It’s better to remind him that he is safe and that he was only dreaming.
If your child is under the age of three, he probably isn’t going to understand that the scary nightmare he had was “just a dream”; it will seem as upsetting and scary as if he had experienced it in the daytime and no telling him that it wasn’t real will convince him otherwise. With children this young it’s better to just provide empathy, comfort, and hugs.
If your child is older than three though (and while even adults have nightmares they are most common in kids ages 3-6), it can be helpful to remind him that he was having a nightmare and that he has nothing to be afraid of now that he’s awake. Just remember that the feeling of fear is still real for him, and again provide empathy, comfort, and hugs.
Making changes to your child’s room can make it easier for him to go back to sleep after a nightmare. Night lights can be helpful after the age of two, and turning the lights on a little brighter after a bad dream can be helpful too. Keeping a child’s bedroom door open can help him feel less isolated. And occasionally bringing your child back to your bed after a scary dream isn’t going to derail years of good sleep habits either. Parents are often worried about creating bad habits when responding to a child’s nightmare, but if nightmares aren’t happening frequently, there isn’t much need to worry about this.
What should I do when my child has a night terror?
The best way to respond to your child’s occasional night terror is to simply let it run its course. This is easier said than done, especially when night terrors are intense and scary for parents. But trying to wake your child up won’t work, and will probably even make the night terror last longer. Make sure he is safe, and when the night terror is over and he starts to relax, help him go back in his bed. Remember, he isn’t scared, as he would be from a nightmare, so there is no need to discuss the night terror. If you do have to step in while your child is having a night terror, try to do so as gently and unobtrusively as possible, just gently guiding him away from the danger or thing that might be damaged. Children usually outgrow night terrors by their teenage years, but if your child is having them frequently it may be beneficial to speak with a doctor.
The best way to treat nightmares and night terrors is to prevent them with healthy sleep habits. A child with a relaxing and consistent bedtime routine who knows how to put himself back to sleep will suffer from less nightmares and night terrors. If your child is struggling with sleep issues of any kind, I suggest joining one of my upcoming trainings to find out a little more about why!